


Fortune And Glory

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Banter, Bondage, Dress Up, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 20:00:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15937253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Ryan lookstoofucking good in that Indiana Jones outfit, okay?





	Fortune And Glory

**Author's Note:**

> A friend of mine (beethechange) demanded "at least fifty" fics about Ryan in that outfit," and who am I to deny my friends their requests?

“You are in that weird space between sexy and awkward, and I don’t know how to feel about that,” said Shane, looking Ryan up and down from his spot on the bed.

Ryan, who had shed his boots, but was still wearing the stupid hat and the too tight khakis, not to mention the _goddamn_ shirt, with its sleeves rolled up and it’s buttons coming undone.

Shane had counted the buttons as they popped - was Ryan surreptitiously unbuttoning himself just off camera, when Shane was looking away?

… Shane would have said that he didn’t really see Ryan being one to do that, but then again, he’d never seen Ryan as one to do the whole “Indiana Jones” cosplay in the first place. 

And now… the two of them were alone in a hotel room, with a single king sized bed, and nary another person to be seen.

All the other crew members had gone off to have some time to themselves, leaving Shane and Ryan to their own devices for a couple of hours.

Shane was torn between footsore exhaustion, and the urge to drop to his knees and suck Ryan’s dick, right there and then.

He did, admittedly, have that urge a lot, but… it was stronger than usual right now. 

Stupid Ryan, in his stupid costume. 

“I’m sorry, the guy in the dad at the theme park hat and the vest of a million pockets is telling me I look awkward,” said Ryan, looking up from his laptop.

“Why are you still wearing the outfit?”

“It suits me, don’t you think?”

At least Ryan had taken off the leather jacket.

The leather jacket had been… too fucking distracting.

Too distracting by far.

Shane hadn’t even been _aware_ that he had a thing for leather, and yet!

… hopefully, none of their viewers would notice the way that Shane had been walking awkwardly.

And now Ryan was just sitting there in a hotel chair, feet up on the table, reading on his laptop.

He was still wearing the stupid hat and the equally stupid button down white shirt, which was barely buttoned, and it was just… it was enough to make a man crazy.

Or, at the very least, enough to make _Shane_ crazy.

“You should have gotten the whip,” Shane said. 

“Excuse me?”

“The whip.”

“You should have gotten the whip.”

“What would I do with a whip?”

“I mean,” Shane said, and he raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“Oh my god,” said Ryan, “you… pervert!”

“How am I a pervert, telling you that you should have an accurate costume?”

Ryan flushed, and then he was staring pintedly at his laptop, tapping away with renewed vigor. 

“Well?” 

Shane kept staring at Ryan, his eyebrows up. 

Ryan looked up, and he was flushing.

“Well what?”

“Well what- what?”

“You’re… being a jerk,” said Ryan.

He was turning pink.

“I’m not a jerk,” said Shane. “I’m just asking.”

“Anyone who ever says ‘I’m just asking’ is not, in fact, just asking,” said Ryan.

He was pouting.

Oh god.

Ryan was _pouting_ , and Shane wanted nothing so much as to grab the laptop, throw it to the wayside, and kiss Ryan until they both forgot how to breathe.

But no.

That would be fun - that would be _endlessly_ fun - but there were other things that he wanted to do as well, things that were taking shape in the hot, dark, secret bits of Shane’s head that were just now starting to take shape.

“Hey Ryan,” said Shane.

“Mmm?”

Ryan was looking at him with a weary expression.

“Which was your favorite Indiana Jones movie?”

“Raiders of the Lost Ark, obviously,” said Ryan. “It’s the best one.”

“I liked Last Crusade,” said Shane.

“What, really?”

Ryan looked intrigued.

“Harrison Ford and Sean Connery just had _such_ good chemistry, y’know?”

“Yeah, I can’t really argue that,” said Shane.

“And, y’know, I watched it so many times as a kid….”

Shane’s tone was faintly wistful.

“Did you?”

“Yeah,” said Shane. “We used to rent the other movies, but for some reason, we actually had that one. I’m not sure why. I think, possibly, because my mom had a crush on Sean Connery.”

Ryan snorted.

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Have a crush on Sean Connery?”

“Nah,” said Shane. “Although Harrison Ford… woof!”

“I thought you didn’t realize you were into guys until you were in your twenties,” said Ryan. 

He was looking at Shane with a thoughtful expression, one eyebrow up. 

“I didn’t really… connect the whole “pants feelings while watching harrison Ford tied to a chair with actually realizing I was into guys.”

“How is that not realizing you’re into guys?”

Ryan looked faintly incredulous.

“How smart were you when you were sixteen?”

“... fair cop,” said Ryan, then, “wait, _pants feelings_?”

Shane rolled his eyes, but he was snickering in spite of himself, because Ryan just looked so… incredulous.

“What?” 

“What what?”

“We’ve had this exchange already,” said Ryan, and he made a face. “Why are you repeating yourself?”

“They can’t all be winners,” said Shane. 

“I think you’re distracted,” said Ryan, and now… oh boy, now he was putting his laptop to the side, and he was stretching, his shirt finally giving up the ghost, and the last three buttons finally gave way from the strain.

There was a long thin strip of golden skin, and Shane wanted to run his fingers along it.

… a man could only put up with so much.

So Shane stood up, rubbing his hands together, and then he walked over to the chair, leaning forward and kissing Ryan on the mouth.

It wasn’t a movie kiss - their noises bumped into each other, and their teeth clicked - but when he pulled back, he found Ryan’s eyes dark, his chest heaving.

“Does that answer your question?”

Ryan blinked, some clarity coming back to his face.

“What question?”

“You said I seemed distracted.”

“That’s not a question,” said Ryan. 

“My apologies,” said Shane, and he made to stand up straight again. “I’ll just be -”

Ryan grabbed onto the shoulders of Shane’s shirt, clinging to them hard enough to make the fabric wrinkle.

“No need to apologize,” Ryan said quickly, and then he was kissing Shane again, the same desperate, frenzied kissing that he tended to go in for. 

Ryan didn’t do anything in half measures, and the way he was sliding his tongue into Shane’s mouth, tracing the shape of Shane’s teeth, sucking on Shane’s tongue….

Fuck.

“So,” Ryan said, “am I giving you pants feelings now?”

Shane groaned like he was in pain, a long, drawn out sound.

“You’re never going to let me live that one down, are you?”

“Nope,” Ryan said cheerfully. “I’m gonna find a way to work it onto the show.”

“... you wouldn’t.”

“You know I would. I could, too.”

Shane snorted. 

“So, Doctor Jones,” Shane said, and he fluttered his eyebrows for effect, “want to reenact what brought those pants feelings in the first place?”

“I don’t know if I could talk Harrison Ford into coming into our hotel room,” Ryan said, his tone deadpan.

Shane snorted, then snickered, then began to laugh.

Ryan looked at him, snickering himself.

“Gimme a second,” Shane said thickly, and he flopped back, sitting on his heels and cackling, because, well….

The mental image of having Sean Connery in their hotel room was pretty fucking hilarious and no two ways about it.

Oh god.

“My mother would never forgive me,” Shane managed to gasp out.

Ryan was laughing as well now, curling forward, and his hair was falling forward on his face, covering his eyes.

He looked up at Shane, and all of a sudden it stopped being quite so funny, and Shane readjusted the hat with one hand, his other hand stroking along Ryan’s bare chest, where the buttons had popped.

“Well,” said Ryan. “Well. I mean, other than the Sean Connery -”

“And the fire,” Shane supplied. 

“And the fire,” Ryan amended.

“And the rope,” Shane added.

“For fuck sake, Shane, let me finish a sentence,” Ryan said, annoyed.

“Right,” said Shane. “Sorry.”

“So _other_ than all of those things, you wanna try?”

“Are you asking me if I want to tie you to the chair and then ride your dick?”

Ryan turned a very appealing shade of red, and Shane licked his lips.

For all the various sexy shenanigans the two of them had gotten up to, Ryan still turned red. 

It was… well.

It was part of the appeal.

“I guess, yeah, that’s… that’s what I’m asking.”

“I am _very much_ for this plan,” Shane said, standing up fully. “Although how are we going to tie you up?”

“... belt?”

“Yeah, that’d work,” said Shane. “Let’s just… get this sorted.”

* * *

There was some wrangling.

A good deal of wrangling, honestly - the chair had narrow slats on the back, and it was going to take some work to get the belt weaved into it, and then there was the business of getting Ryan’s pants open, and then finding the lube.

Shane had to step back, to admire the lovely picture he was looking at.

There was Ryan, arms tied behind his back, his legs planted, with an obvious erection in those khakis.

The hat was still at a rakish angle, and the shirt had fallen open enough, to reveal more skin.

Fuck, he was so gorgeous.

How had he managed to just… be so gorgeous?

How had Shane gotten so lucky?

“Hey big guy, you still there?”

Shane was shaken out of his ponderings, to look at Ryan. 

“Sorry,” said Shane. “I was just admiring how good looking you are.”

“Seriously, dude?”

Ryan was blushing, but, well… it wasn’t like he could get away.

Shane wriggled out of his own clothes, until he was just… standing in a hotel room naked, while Ryan was still in that half clothed state.

In a weird way, it made the whole thing even _more_ debauched - there was something kinky and intense.

This was almost like getting a chance to revisit a fantasy from his youth, only… better.

For one thing, Ryan was looking a hell of a lot better than Harrison Ford, especially these days. 

“Did you remember to pack lube?”

Ryan was squirming against his bonds, looking horny, edgy. 

“Of course I did,” said Shane. “I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.”

Ryan snorted. 

That… had been an adventure. 

But no, he had the little bottle of lube, and he was dribbling it onto his fingers, as he straddled Ryan’s lap.

“Dude,” said Ryan, “you’re gonna get my pants all dirty.”

“It’s not like you’re gonna need them again - we’re done the shoot,” said Shane, as he dug his knees into Ryan’s sides, his other hand sliding between his legs, to finger himself open. “We can put them in the hotel laundry, if you’re really that worried.”

That was… oh yeah, that was a good stretch.

He made a big show of moaning, tilting his head back, and Ryan made a distressed noise.

“Can you just… move a little closer, please?” 

“Mmm?”

Shane moaned, a desperate, only slightly put on noise, and he rolled his hips forward, the wet head of his cock rubbing against Ryan’s bare belly.

“I’m pretty close,” Shane said. “Look, I’m touching you!”

“Well, yes, you’re touching me, you’re sitting on me, but… still. You know!”

“I know?”

Shane smirked, and he slid his fingers inside of himself, curling them. He was almost against his prostate, almost….

“You’re such an asshole, Shane Madej,” growled Ryan, and he yanked at the belt.

It held, thank fuck.

Shane didn’t want to think about having to pay for a new hotel chair, because… well, TJ would kill him. 

“I have… so many witty responses to that,” Shane said, and his slick fingers were sliding in and out of himself.

Then he hit his prostate, and his hips jerked forward, his head tilting back, his mouth falling open.

“Fuck,” Ryan said, and his eyes were _glued_ to Shane’s face. 

“In a minute,” Shane said, and he was still fingering himself, god, that was… that was perfect, and then he was leaning in, forehead to forehead with Ryan, nearly knocking Ryan’s hat off.

Ryan groaned, trying to kiss Shane, and Shane made an amused noise, rubbing noses (awkwardly), still fucking himself with his own fingers. 

He added a third one, and then he pulled them out, standing up on shaky legs.

“Condoms,” he said. “We have a condom, right?”

“You didn’t think of that before you put your fingers in your butt?”

Ryan’s voice was plaintive.

“... that was lacking in foresight, wasn’t it?”

Ryan snorted.

“Hold on,” Shane said, and then there was an awkward five minutes, as he went to wash his hands, then grab a condom from his bag. 

When he came back, he found… Ryan, who had somehow managed to wriggle his pants down around his thighs.

“How’d you do that?” 

Shane slid his thumbs under the waistband of Ryan’s pants, sliding them down Ryan’s thighs.

Ryan’s cock sprang forward, and Shane leaned forward, awkwardly, and kissed the very tip of it.

Ryan shuddered, and Shane grinned up at him through his eyelashes, attempting at coy.

He probably didn’t succeed, judging by the way Ryan was looking at him.

“I’ve got my skills,” Ryan said, and his voice was rough.

“Evidently,” Shane said, looking Ryan up and down.

Ryan’s cock was pressed against his belly, in the space between the two sides of the shirt, which was becoming more and more open every time Ryan shifted position.

Soon, it would be more like a cape.

“You gonna put the condom on me, before I become too old to hold a boner?”

“Just for that,” said Shane, and he got on his knees, his hands trailing up and down Ryan’s sides, pressing delicate little kisses to the side of Ryan’s cock.

Ryan made a groaning, gasping sort of noise, and when Shane looked up, he saw that Ryan’s arms were bulging, as if he was flexing but not pulling.

Shane grinned, and licked a little path, then held the shaft in his hand, kissing the tip.

It was a loud, comical kiss, and Ryan swore, his hips jerking forward.

“Shane Madej, I swear to fucking god, Bigfoot, Mothman, and any aliens that might be in listening range, I will -”

“You’ll what?”

Shane sat back on his heels, looking up at Ryan. 

He carefully ripped open the condom package, pulling the condom out, and then he began to unroll the condom.

Ryan shuddered, biting his lip.

Fuck, he looked gorgeous like this - the hat was at a rakish angle, keeping his face in shadow, and the fabric of the shirt was still clinging to his shoulders like a koala.

… that was a simile right there.

Shane grinned at his own thought process, which got Ryan looking at him, faintly confused.

“Something funny?”

“Many things,” Shane intoned, as if from on high, and then he was rolling the condom onto Ryan’s cock, carefully. “You ready?”

Ryan was shaking, just a little bit.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” said Ryan. 

His cock was still as hard as ever, and then Shane was straddling him, carefully.

“I want to make an Indiana Jones joke right now,” Shane said, as he groped behind him, to line Ryan’s cock up with his hole, “but my mind is honestly blanking.”

“Is it because of how good my d-d-dick… is… fuck, Shane, you’re so….”

Ryan made a desperate noise, his hips rolling forward, fucking up into Shane.

Shane settled into Ryan’s lap carefully, and then he grinned, grabbing the hat off of Ryan’s head and putting it on his own.

“Hey! That’s _my_ hat,” Ryan said, indignant.

“Do you want me to get off of your dick to give you your hat back?”

Shane’s legs were long enough that his feet were resting comfortably on the floor, which made riding Ryan’s dick a bit easier.

He rocked on the balls of his feet, rolling his hips, and then he was grabbing Ryan by the hair, kissing Ryan, as Ryan moaned into his mouth, hips wiggling.

Ryan moaned into Shane’s mouth, and he was panting, his tongue desperate in Shane’s mouth.

Shane kissed back, and then he pulled back, to kiss along Ryan’s neck, gently, carefully. 

He found a delicate spot, right under Ryan’s right ear, and he sank his teeth in.

Not enough to do any hard, or hard enough to cause any pain, just enough to make Ryan’s cock twitch inside of him.

“Not fair,” Ryan ground out.

“Mmm?”

“You know all my weak spots,” Ryan grumbled. “I can’t exploit any of yours!”

“Next time,” Shane promised, and he reached between them, to stroke his own cock, moaning against Ryan’s mouth, his hips rocking forward, his back arching.

“I’m gonna… hold you to that, big guy,” Ryan said.

Shane smirked at Ryan, in that specific way that always made Ryan crazy, and he _knew_ it was making Ryan crazy, because Ryan was making that specific face he always made when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss Shane or throttle him.

Shane relented, and he kissed Ryan again, sweet and deep and _hard_ , his hands running along Ryan’s arms, squeezing the muscles, then to Ryan’s shoulders, sliding under the white shirt.

Ryan groaned.

“Shane, you’re being a tease.”

“I am, aren’t I?”

Shane did something particularly clever with his hips, and Ryan made an undignified noise that was mostly vowels. 

“Are you going to keep being a tease?”

“I mean, I could be, if I wanted to,” Shane said, and he did the hip thing again, stroking his own cock in time with it, leaning in so that they were forehead to forehead again.

The hat was balanced somewhat precariously on the back of Shane’s head - it would fall off if he moved too vigorously - but that was fine, this was all fine, this was… better than fine, and Ryan was beginning to shake, his hips rolling up to meet Shane’s, and he was sweating, his jaw clenching.

Shane leaned forward, and he kissed along the tensed column of Ryan’s neck, then bit it again, and Ryan shuddered again, a little harder.

“Not… gonna last much longer,” Ryan ground out.

Shane snorted, and he kissed Ryan on the mouth, his own hand working desperately at his cock, as he teetered over the edge.

Who knew he’d be so into… whatever this was?

He kissed along Ryan’s jaw, then lower, Ryan’s stubble rough against his lips, Ryan’s pulse hammering under his tongue.

And then Ryan came.

Ryan came, inside of him, and Shane pulled back to watch Ryan’s face, as Ryan’s head fell back, and Ryan’s whole body tensed up, his cock pulsing inside of Shane. 

Ryan’s cum was hot, even through the condom, and Shane shuddered, holding on to Ryan’s shoulder, keeping eye contact sa he jerked himself off.

“This would be hotter if I had the whip,” Ryan said, his voice rough. “I’ll use it on you, next time.”

And that, it seemed, was what Shane’s libido needed or wanted, or… whatever.

The pleasure snapped like a stick, and it spread through Shane, making his stomach muscles flex, his thighs turning to marble, his cock twitching and throbbing in his hand.

Shane came across Ryan’s stomach, over his own knuckles, and then he was leaning forward, his forehead against Ryan’s, kissing Ryan, as his ass kept twitching, miking Ryan’s cock.

Ryan made a noise that was somewhere between pleasure and pain, and then he was making a face.

“Can you undo the belt, please? My hands are starting to go numb.”

“Right, shit, sorry,” said Shane, and he reached around, to grab the belt and untangle it awkwardly.

Ryan brought his arms around, rubbing his wrists, and then he was wrapping his arms around Shane, his forehead against Shane’s shoulder.

“That was pretty cool,” said Ryan.

“It was more than pretty cool, thank you very much,” said Shane. “I knocked your socks off.”

“Still wearin’ ‘em, as far as I can tell,” said Ryan, and he moved his legs under Shane, presumably to prove that he was still wearing his socks.

“I’ll work harder next time,” Shane promised.

Ryan took Shane’s hand in his own, kissing the back of it. 

“Fortune and glory,” he told Shane.

“... was that the only Indiana Jones quote you could think of?”

“Shut up.”

“We need to watch those movies again.”

Ryan rolled his eyes, and he squeezed Shane around the middle, then grabbed the hat off of Shane’s head (which had, miraculously, managed to stay on), and put it on his own head. 

“I can live with that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different? 
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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